And

now, just now, my dear friends, that i have reclaimed my life back after months of intense work
i will start my ever so beloved task of being in touch with you all
and my mailbox will be for a short time
a living flowing entity of me writing back... to all those words of kindness and beyond

I am back....
quite pale
but I am back
quite exhausted
but hey i am back
and i shall play with my kids this weekend
all the Lego's have been tracked in various boxes
and we shall build and build
and feast on chocolate, and joy

tomorrow i will go see Nick Cave life
haven't been to a gig with him for 16 years
i wonder if he is still as intense
i hope even more so>>>>>>

IMPACTT

wish i could see this... if you are anywhere close to NY = you should go and tell me how it was:)

>>>>>>>www.impactfestival.org<<<<<<<
Iraq: Speaking Of War


Created by Karen Malpede;
original music by Milos Raickovich; Iraqi Maqam & santur by Amir ElSaffar;
percussion: Johnny Farraj; harp: Nina Kellman;
featuring: George Bartenieff, Dalia Basiouny, Kathleen Chalfant,
Peter Francis James, Judith Malina, Hanon Reznikov,
Najla Said, Amneh Taye, Maysoon Zayid, Waleed Zuaiter,

Sep. 28th – 7:00 PM – Shinbone Alley @ 45 Below
The Culture Project, 45 Bleecker St., NY, NY


A cast of political theater pioneers and luminaries who have won awards in land-mark
productions from “The Brig” (1963) to “Stuff Happens” (2006) will perform the ritual
docu-drama with original and traditional Iraqi music “Iraq: Speaking of War,” created
and directed by Karen Malpede, at the Culture Project, Thursday, Sept. 28, at 7 p.m.
as part of the IMPACT Festival. “Litany,” with the voice of Dalia Basiouny, and “B-A-G-
D-A-D,” both composed by Milos Raickovich, will be played on harp by Nina
Kellman. The music of Amir ElSaffar, traditional Iraqi Maqam singer and santur player,
and percussionist Johnny Farraj will be featured through-out the piece.

These actors will tell the untold story of the first two years of the Iraq war in the words of
Iraqi civilians, American soldiers and independent journalists. Amneh Taye and Dalia
Basiouny will speak the names of Iraqi children murdered by the war. Greek
historian Thucydides provides commentary.

$20, tickets available at http://www.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/1915/

busy busy busy

my work day is not 9-5, but 5-9 and until the end of this month it will remain so, or at least until i am done translating the book on my desk, so forgive me if i don't write back or if i seem invisible or lost, i will return with time on my hands, rise from the ashes of this computer.... but i felt compelled to write this yesterday inspired by the book i am translating and the world around me...

fresh from that digital ioioio typewriter
writing into space
when i should be translating words of hope for the entire human race
next chapter titled A new civilisation
love
b
///////

despair
rivers of despair
wounds
oceans of pain

patriarch
matriarch
ism
ism
ism

means nothing to me
nothing at all

flesh blood earth dirt
gravel sand and that flower on the highland hearth
drowned in silt and pure waters of greed

this time the times are changing
into a dream of universal
universal please
don't look the other way

we are the same
i feel the pain
i feel the hope
the eternal ethnic bond
with each grain of sand
each grain of blood
infusion
please let me be you
i move with her breath
what are we
aliens on this earth
acting like a parasite
are we controlled by the external or internal parasite
who chose this hell
who can undo what has been done
but you

Cry from the heart II

I feel your pain
I feel your pain
I feel your pain

bombs, limbs, blood, tears, death, grief, anxiety, hatred, revenge, bullets, spit, split, tormented, crippled, infested, pain

I feel your pain
I feel your pain
I feel your pain

in the marrow

cry from the heart

tears run impulsively
bitter sea of colossal grief
cluster-bomb in the heart
for every life taken

who are we to act like a force of nature
self destruction the distinctive human trait

Lebanon, Iraq, Afghanistan, Palestine

four corners of grief

revenge
abort the revenge

hollow is the heart
holocaust created
not once
but now

the once suffering victim
is the bully
now

the US the UK Israel
triangle of doom

fear not the Arabs
fear not the "terrorists"
fear the triangle of righteous doom
based on ghosts from the past
glorification of the apocalypse

doomsday in the heart
doomsday in the mind
as the inconvenient truth flows out
like 1000 wounds

will it heal
will this heart ever beat again
this heart of hope
for humanity
as it heads towards glorious self destruction
yet again

beautiful beirut

please spread this letter around...
and make sure to read it

Date: July 16, 2006 8:23:40 PM EDT
To: beautiful beirut
Subject: Another Beirut update

I have started coughing, but I don't know why. I am not sick. I don't have a
cold. I think it's a reaction I'm having to stress. My body feels weak. My
mouth is always dry, no matter how much water I drink. And I'm afraid to
drink too much water because I don't want it to run out!

Last night was probably the most frightful night I have ever experienced in
my whole entire life. I was so tired and exhausted... have not slept in
days. When there is finally a quiet moment, the tension in my stomach and
heart prevents me from falling asleep.

Last night we counted at least 15 bombs falling into Dahiyeh (Beirut
Suburbs).. and these were just the ones we heard. At some point during the
night, I said to myself that if I didn't at least try to get some sleep that
I was going to go crazy from fatigue; and that that was what was going to
kill me. Haven’t been able to eat either, so am losing physical strength.
It’s all psychological at this point. I know I have to be strong, and I will
be, but I can't deny what I’m going through. And I think it's important that
people hear about the downside as well as the bravery. So many of us are
already working hard to fix things, we are running around Beirut trying to
get food and water and medicine to people, we are doing things online, etc,
but it doesn't mean we are not scared, sick or tired.

So, last night amidst the worst shelling we've had so far, I realized that I
was not afraid of the noise anymore; how quickly you get used to it. I
realized what was hurting the most was the "UNKNOWN". What is going to
happen tomorrow? When will this all end? How are we going to start
re-building again? Are the refugees going to be ok? How are the people in
the south? And why punish a whole country? What is the real plan behind all
of this? How much worse is it going to get?

My husband and I have been housing foreign "refugees" helping them to find
their way out of the country. Two managed to leave this morning, a German
and Swiss. The other two are British and American. The craziest thing is
that out of all people, the American embassy has been the LEAST helpful to
its citizens here. The phone line to the embassy has been practically out of
service. My friend, Amanda, (whom I just met a few days ago, by the way) had
to hire a cab to take her to the embassy (which is a ride out of Beirut) and
all they could tell her was that they didn’t know what they were going to do
and to keep checking the website. Only thing she has gotten on the website
is that she now knows that there is going to be an evacuation (5 days
later), but when it happens, she is going to have to pay for it! Yes, they
are saying to their citizens that they are going to bill them for their ride
out! Can you believe that?!

Trying to evacuate people has put me under stress. The question is what am I
to do if I had the opportunity to leave? Would I leave? What do I do with my
friends? My family? My art studio? I have a British passport; I could be
evacuated with my husband. But what would happen to my best friend Maya? She
has a very rare and bad case of CANCER! I have been taking care of her since
she was diagnosed a few months ago and I know that my care for her is what
has helped her do so well. Her type of cancer is "untreatable", but
ironically, the day the shelling started, her doctor told us her tumors had
shrunk! Unbelievable- a true miracle. I can't leave Maya!

What about art work in my studio? What about all my brushes and paints and
glitter and books! All my books! Again- the crazy things that cross your
mind.

What about our photo albums? All our family pictures? The memories...

What about the doodles I drew on my balcony a few summers ago when I was
suffering from a bad break up?

What about all the love letters I have saved? Letters that document my youth
that I wanted to some day give to my daughter.

What about my other best friend? My dog, Tampopo? My beautiful Jack Russel
Terrier who has never let me down. Who has always been a source of purity
and compassion... Who has eyes of an angle... Dogs are not allowed to
evacuate. My American friend Christine is going to have to leave her dog
with me; a black pug named Baousi (means Kiss in Arabic). She is
heartbroken! She almost didn't want to evacuate. She went to so many
embassies to try and register with them and see if they would take her dog.
Don't worry Christine, I will take great care of Baousi.

My sister has been volunteering to help the refugees who are being sheltered
in public schools. Right now they are calling on Lebanese citizens to help
out with money, medicine, food, water, blankets and mattresses. She has been
going to people and asking for money and then going out to buy medicines for
refugees- her own initiative! My mom has joined in too. a friend has put
together a website for accepting donations:

http://atrissi.com/helplebanon/

Biggest cynical statement of the day:
Israel has told people to evacuate from the south because they are going to
annihilate the south of Lebanon. However, the people can not leave because
all the roads have been destroyed/blocked. And yesterday when people did try
and leave, the Israelis opened fire on them! A massacre is happening!

Update on the attacks, as of yesterday:
- Israelis have been bombing the south of Lebanon with phosphorus and other
chemical bombs.
- Israelis have bombed all ports along the coastline of Lebanon.
- Israelis have bombed all our local army radars and some outposts
- Israelis have bombed/attacked the fire fighting brigade and the Search and
Rescue Brigade in the South. Innocent civilian lives were lost. It was a
massacre- the buildings were also housing refugees.
- Israelis have continued to bomb the suburb of Beirut, Dahiyeh & Haret
Hreik
- Israelis have now killed over 100 civilians and there are several hundreds
wounded
- … and they continue to bomb the south
- Israelis have started hitting roads that lead to the mountains. They hit a
main one leading to the Shouf.
-Israelis have hit a gas plant in the mountains

... I can't keep up with what they have hit.

*** Israel has begun to target Lebanese army outposts. They have killed
Lebanese soldiers. They are no longer just targeting Hizuballah. They mean
to kill all of Lebanon.


The reality:

Israel is trying to bring Lebanon to its knees. Israel is trying to destroy
Lebanon and the Lebanese spirit. Israel is trying to turn Lebanese against
each other. Israel is trying to turn us into animals scrounging for food,
water and shelter. Israel and the United States of America are trying to
drag Syria and Iran into this too. They are using Lebanon as bait. Lebanon
is stuck in the middle. The Americans and Israelis are trying to launch a
regional war!!

Please help in any way you can. Please pass on the message, this email-
reprint if you wish. Please tell people what is going on. Please put
pressure on your respective governments to step in and do something.

Lebanon is a peaceful country. We are the only country in the region in
which people of all religions co-exist peacefully.

It is unbelievable how biased the news is. They are not reporting the real
damage being caused. They don’t report that the Israelis are killing
innocent civilians. It seems from this end that all they are focusing on is
G8!

Are the Israeli & US government really just trying to wipe us all out??
Well, you can tell them that I’m not leaving. And there are many of us who
are not leaving. We love Lebanon. We love what we have spent our lives
building.

Tell them about people like me.. who build culture and tolerance. Who work
for peace and understanding. Who work to educate. Who work to promote love
and compassion. There are thousands like me here. What about us?

Tell them about people like me, that despite all of this, I have still not
learnt to hate. They can take everything from me, but not my dignity. Not my
morals and beliefs. They will never never break my spirit.

Tell the Israeli citizens what their government is doing to us. Tell them
that violence begets violence. Remind them that Lebanon is their neighbor
and that co-existence is possible. How are we going to ever reach an
understanding through violence? We were so close... We were so close...

Please stop this brutality!

Still with love,
Zena el-Khalil

By the way, did I mention Maya's tumors are getting smaller?
Did I mention there was a wedding across the street yesterday?

Don't know how much longer this email will still be up for, but in case of
an emergency, there is always ziggydoodle@yahoo.com

Thought i'd share this letter with you all

"Please note: Dee Rimbaud's Book of Hopes and Dreams not to be confused with original:Following the explosion of creative thought that greeted the Millennium and 9/11, much of which was captured in major global anthologies by the likes of Todd Swift at Rattapallax/nthposition and Birgitta Jonsdottir at Beyond Borders/Lorenzo Press, I suppose it was inevitable that lagging a few years behind, there would be imitations, follow-ups, attempts to cash in. This is just to let Various Artists members know that the forthcoming 'Book of Hopes And Dreams' edited by Dee Rimbaud is not to be confused with Birgitta Jonsdottir's original 'The Book of Hope and The World Healing Book', which is still very much available, just by googling on the web. Obviously this trend for intellectual copying is liable to continue as the artistically redundant attempt to stake a belated claim to some kind of millennial credibility."

It is good to know that people stand up for the creative work i have been doing, i remember when Dee sent out a letter to me and a lot of other poets in the early stages of his project another poet pointed out to him how similar these projects are... i had sent him a letter of invitation to take part by submitting work to the world healing book and the book of hope... he didn't want to unless he would get free copies, the only person who gave me a reply like that, everyone else agreed to submit their work without any string attached... needless to say... despite it all i wish him good luck with his project and that he will manage to send some money to the children of Afghanistan, unfortunatly i have not sold enough books to be able to donate a penny yet to the children in Aghanistan that was the true modivation for me to put this together in the first place... so maybe by a strange twist of fate this will have been a catalyst for someone else to spin off it... but of course it would be nice to get that sort of creative catalyst credit... but i know in my heart that the orginal books sparked that new book into motion and that is enough for me....

thank you all that took part in it and together we made a beautiful chemistry that has already helped a lot of people in unforseen ways... viva the creative force.. let us carry the flame... united indeed

joy
b

ggggggeeeeeeezzzzers at da city pond

In the newest issue of Mindfire

you willl find poems, music, art, all sorts of writings as a reflection on the concept of war and peace, go to
Mindfire and find some pretty awesome stuff of inspiration .... including pomes by yours truly Joy B's alter ego Birgitta

I am asked a lot to submit my work all over the world and sometimes i simply forget that i had submitted anything ... so it is always such a nice surprise to see my poems or art or music flow with the creation of others

thanks all of you that have asked me to be part of
without you all i might possible maybe have stopped a long time ago
you have given me the fuel to carry on being me, the courage to stay close to what i believe is my voice

and who knows maybe one day i will grow up to be a great writer
such is my goal, because i know the power of the word....

joy
b

I have finally

finished with the second editing of conversations with ghosts

will publish it here soon for a few days for a free download ....

other than that things have been busy, very busy ...

did one of my best performances last Wednesday accompanied with Iceland's only tabla player Steingrimur Gudmundsson

tomorrow will be a great day for friends of iceland, we will have a carnival protest walk to give people a chance to celebrate this unique nature we are a part of and to have some fun while showing we care and are willing to protect it from the insane plans of the government and the powercompanies to sell it to the lowest bidder as long it is heavy industry aluminium company with a bad reputation ....

I am not

dead yet, even if i have been awfully silent in the last weeks... as usually I am busy with 10000000 things ... strange this thing with activism ... why is it we are so few doing it ... yet it is by far the most interesting thing to do instead of the time i would possible spend in front of the telly... or on the phone or blogging or what ever ... it adds a functionality to my life ... a meaning ... to see the things i do have impact on others, to be able to inspire real change ... nothing quite like it and the good news are: we can all do it.

so if you see something around you that needs to be changed: be the change: do something about: it is as simple as that.

i have been thinking about sacrifice after reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman... (a great book by the way)
how we use this phrase all the time without knowing whom we are sacrificing to: for example: i am sacrificing my time to do this or that.... to whom are you sacrificing: i think it would be wise to direct that sacrifice to something you know
like for example: if you believe in something make sure to formalise your sacrifice to what you believe in ....

or all those sacrifices might end up in all the wrong places.....:)

Better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

-Andre Gide

had my birthday last monday
got the best birthday gift i could think of> was told that my daughter who has lived in Norway since she was less than a year old is moving to Iceland later this year. this means we can have "normal" relationship... that is she can come over when ever she feels like it, it will no longer be long distance relationship... here is a poem i wrote about a month ago from the new book i am writing conversations with ghosts dealing with this issue....

Once

we were one
this child that grew out of my womb
with full:length hair touching her toes
and neonbright eyes
—so blue
only to vanish
from my swollen breasts
after spending the exact same
time in my arms
as in my womb

when she vanishes into her world
a part of me dies

watch the iron:birds swallow her
as they take her away over the endless ocean

those lost ghosts within me
create more havoc then those visable ghosts

until I cry
the ghosts of nostalgia
out of my mind

Conversations

with Ghosts available On May 1st, than you will be able to download for free the 35 e-books that have been sent in so far for the Poetry Super Highway's Great E-Book Free-For-All for free!.

"A work in progress: Conversations with Ghosts is about external and internal ghosts. The drawings and sketches by the Hand add a new dimension to the brutally honest words of the infamous Icelandic author. Go and get spooked. See if you can spot a familiar ghost."

Since I am still working on it, it won't be available for some time to come.... go get it on May 1st and tell me what you think...

spook poem

from my newest book of poems titled Conversations with Ghosts

In

the morbid night
wet snow
suppresses every sound

I hear a rustle and feel a terrible fear
paralysing every nerve

Ludvigs shadow ghost is the spirit in the glass
on the Ouija board
a mean old man that drinks through him

I saw the silhouette of the shadow ghost
I felt it lift me

poltergeist hands

felt the glass move
without me being able to do anything to stop it

spelled out words that had no meaning
except to nourish my fear

I whispered between my clenched teeth „leave“

and he laughed
and left
to follow Ludvig

and Ludvig had ghost eyes
when he drank and doped

and he had irresistible magnetism

I was always seeing the grinning ghost
dark and hollow
gaping
gorging
sucking

dark spikes
covered the ghost
and his lips stuck
around the nibble of Ludvigs right breast
grinning eyes,
leering darkness

„come back“ I whispered
but the ghost looked at me
with despiteful self:conceit
and carried on sucking

Little changes

Big changes... in the last couple of weeks... little time to do the things I am used to... however since time is liquid and not linear like to are told to believe... time always moves with my expectations and limitations... so despite the fact that my workload is far greater than a couple of weeks ago... i am still managing to spend about the same amount of time working on my creative stuff. The thing is when I am trying to master my own time in my own space... I tend to waste it... like it is less valuable somehow. Anyway the big changes are... I got a 75% work as a graphic designer for a newspaper... and I am translating two books to Icelandic : one by Don Miguel Ruiz: the Four Agreements.... and another one by Ikeda and Gorbachev: conversations on Buddhism and Communism.... I am also working on my own little book of poems titled Conversations with Ghosts... the Hand is drawing and Joy B will be the storyteller... it is her conversations with ghosts... the book is taking a grand shape. I am very happy with it... wrote most of it in a couple of days... so it is has an theme an undercurrent of urgency and of course i need to edit it... so i am polishing them and taking out lines and changing their shape, BUT they are still like a frozen moment in time or rather a slice of a complete moment in time of the world of the mind of the heart of JOY B...

i am translating it to English
sometime this summer i will make it available as a free e-book... but only for a week... from this spot in space
here is one sketch... by the Hand and Joy B...me

Joy B Poserized

sometimes Joy B shows her funny face when her author plays with photoshop
i hope you will laugh as much as i did when i saw this photo of my spitting image

Given

the chance to make a real difference....

I got a letter this morning that made my heart jump with joy
if you know me than you know why I am so happy about it
here it is:

"I am a Canadian and have recently returned from Banda Aceh, Indonesia, working as part of a group supported by CIDA (Canadian International Development Association). My role was to assist small business, most of whom were retail with various marketing strategies. In the process of my participation I worked with a wonderful woman who was selling a variety of products made by a group of forty village women. She sells a variety of merchandise including including T-shirts. In a brainstorming session with my young Indonesian interpreters an idea emerged to market a T-shirt with a design including a poem of the Tsunami (written in English). The group did some research and determined that your poem was their favourite. I explained that they could not use the poem without permission. So this is where I come in.

Brigitta, would you allow "Tsunami Poem Without a Name" to be used for commercial purposes on a T-shirt design by Ibu Asmatawi. The poem would have your name attached as the author and would only be used to support the local business in Banda Aceh. Certainly a prototype could be made available to you. It is thought that a memorial park will be created in the city centre where the huge barge moved 5 Km in from the sea. This could be a good opportunity to sell memorial T-shirts, now and in the future."

This is why I write... really... to make a difference in our world... to be part of... to help where the help is really needed... I am deeply moved that the people that were effected in such a grave way found my poem to touch them in such a way

and the most important way since i have no money to give.... that i can give them my permission to use this poem of mine like this... i am so thankful... really:)

here is the poem again just in case you missed it when i first published it on this blog just after the tsunami


The silent ocean
suddenly a wall of destruction

Sleeping in the soft sand
—mass grave
1000 upon 1000's of souls
brilliant flash of light
spiraling in a world between worlds


Fragments of pain
—deep
into the heart


Mounting numbers
of lifelessness
—Empty shells


Larger than life
—proportions


All I have to offer is
— hope
in those darkest of times



All I have to offer is
—oceans of joy
as dawn breaks

Strange

days as usually in the world of Joy B

Joy B has applied to go to school....

and Joy B has made some BIG choices
of complete change of shape of her life

and Joy B is talking to ghosts
made a whole new book of poems titled
Conversations with Ghosts

here is a sample of the first poem
click on the image to get a larger version of it

What the

bleep do we know is simply one of those things in my life that has changed it.....
i am ready to go deep into the rabbit hole
oh yeah

seriously i saw this film a week ago
and ever since
my life has not been the same
a string of adventure
of my dream unfolding at quantum speed quantanium speed light speed nano speed

if you have not seen the film What the bleep do we know
you simply have to
puts reality into a whole new perspective
or rather validates those gut feelings
you have to watch it in the dark with big headphones on your head and absorb
like a trip into infinite ocean of possibilities

i am happily busy recreating reality

see you down the rabbit hole

After a week

of serious self doubt and identity crises i have reached the following conclusion: i can't be anything else than a poet, a writer, an artist. i wish i could but i can't. sometimes i wish i could be something else. it would be so nice to have no calling. just float through life without thinking anything but the newest car models and next episode of guiding light. would be nice to work without ever thinking about the rights of the fellow co workers, collapse in front of the telly with a big juicy steak and never think of animal rights. to eat processed food and handy junk food and spend the early mornings driving next to other non thinkers in machines instead of in nature. it would be nice to hand over all my willpower and judgment to politicians and to put my health into the hands of doctors. it would be nice to never ever think of anything but myself and how i can possibly possess more. but no i can't, no matter how much i would like to turn my brain off and forget everything i have learned. that is the curse of knowing, you can't take it back. i can't reform, i am possessed by the virus of knowing. i can never turn it off.
i am drowning in volunteer work, i won't get paid for it, i won't get any glory for it or even good will. but i have to do it. because i know that if i don't do it, i can't be sure that anyone else does it. i am possessed with the knowledge that i as an individual has the power to change the world. but the big question is how can i do it without killing myself in the process.

the good news are i am writing poetry again
and in the process i feel alive again