Friday, April 29, 2016

Thoughts about nightmares & dreams

Poemletter I wrote in 2003/4 

I had just moved away from Iceland to New Zealand and wrote this poem to self based on a series of dreams I had. It is uncanny how life imitates art sometimes :) I have slightly altered the poem because my English is slightly better today. Here is a link to the original version.

Well I am still alive,
despite my silence
for all this time.

There are many layers of reasons why.

It has taken a lot of effort to settle here at the other end of the world.
Everything is different:
the way the water runs in circles the other way around;
internally and externally,
traffic on the other side of the road,
little cultural things,

The way the sun comes up
and the moon sets.

Always interesting and
it keeps the fine lines in the brain
tuned and alert.

I however fell out of tune with the cycle of movement 
with the rest of the world,
got local,
living in the small town syndrome.

Now I feel an urgency,
a need to hook back into the surf of the world.

Despite how ugly the world is turning right now,
rotten to the core, 

things coming to the surface,
that are hard to see and experience.

But we need to see and feel,
in order to heal,
to grow new ideas,
for the revolution to take place.

Fear as always,

the fertile soil for oppression.

In the USA and well, in the West at large 
so much freedom
has been gradually chipped away.
And no one really cares,
because they are too busy making sure
they get enough to fuel their need to consume,
and consume more bullshit they do.

When living at such totally unique times
it is important
to maintain an eagle vision
see the whole tapestry
and never, never ask why.

Why is the only thing, really, that drives us into madness.

So I am digging deep;
it is ridiculous and pointless to preach
and even worse when preaching
is not walking the talk of that speech.

I have to admit that I have a tendency to preach.

So I have to dig deeper still
find the cause
the effect
of all those warlike feelings inside;

Why I feel fear
Why I feel anger
and hopelessness.

I am digging
and I am talking to ghosts

of my past,
and I am further more
forgiving myself
for things I never did.

I always used to believe in the power of the individual
and that each and everyone of us can make a difference.
I think I still believe it,
I think I just need some proof.

Everyday I read more, I see more
that makes me truly mad.
Should I pray for the 1%
or should I kick their ass?
I don't know.

I wonder what is needed to force open their blinded eyes
to the misery their greed and power hunger is
causing so many people.

Our planet.

I dreamt last night that I was going into politics
and that I was going to be the first female prime minster in Iceland.
It was a true nightmare,
I mean, if you enter into the seats of power
what is going to happen to you?

Will you, no matter how pure you think you are,
maintain the vision you set out with,
or will you be too bloody busy to be able to maintain it.

I also dreamt in another dream
that my Native American blood was singing.
I dreamt that I was lying really still, 
and talking about eagles
and how they see the far and wide, 
from high above
on the belly of a great warrior,
who had his face painted 
black with bright white stripes.

He said: “Be still
just be still for a moment

and it will all come to you.”

With Rivers of Joy

p.s. even if I thought I had adjusted to the world down under, I will move back 
to the top of the world, yes I am really moving back again to the other island of extremes
to face the beasts I had created before I left.

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